Tag Archives: Rahul Gandhi

A Guest Post For A Super Blogger!

Strangely one morning, as she was probably nursing a particularly bad hangover, Purba Ray of A-Musing fame, figured that my writing was worthy of her blog. Her blog – which is among the funniest and most insightful ones out there! So when she asked me to do a guest post for her, I didn’t even stop to ask if she was feeling ok – I just said YES!

Here is the piece. Do read, comment, share – you know, the usual stuff that friends do!

 

The National Treasure

Beware : Angry Lady Ahead!

Beware : Angry Lady Ahead!

“This is a disaster!” yells Sonia Gandhi as she facepalms her forehead uncharacteristically. “How could we even let this happen?”

The emergency (yet hidden from the media’s prying eyes) political meeting is taking place at the lawns of Sheila Dixit’s official residence in Delhi. The bright winter sun is warm but doing little to dispel the frosty ambience of the congregation. The news that had been received by the PMO just that morning has pulled the rug from under the political establishment’s feet. “It can’t be true!”, “The media must not find out about this!” and “What will Maya and Mulayam do now?” are the universal exclamations in the corridors of power. (As is “How come Urvashi won Bigg Boss?” but that is off-topic for this post.) Mamata Banerji and Narendra Modi have already rushed to Delhi as they are prone to do under such circumstances. So have most other leaders. All except Jayalalitha, who decides to stay put in Chennai under the perceived threat of a snub.
As the perfectly attired waiters with starched pagdees discreetly serve cream of mushroom soup and assorted nibblers, the political class furiously debates ways to help abate the latest crisis – the imminent loss of a national treasure to an adversarial nation.

 

Continue reading at A-Musing

 

I HATE YOU, RAHUL GANDHI! HATE YOU, HATE YOU, HATE YOU!!!

A Conversation.

Anyone but you!

Rahul Gandhi : Why?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Why, what?

Rahul Gandhi : Why do you hate me?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Because you are Rahul Gandhi, that’s why!

Rahul Gandhi : So, you hate me because my surname is Gandhi?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : No, not because your name is Gandhi, but because of your sense of entitlement that comes with it!

Rahul Gandhi : So, if I had been Rahul Kumar Sharma, you would have been ok with me?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Yes.

Rahul Gandhi : So, you basically hate my surname then?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Ok fine, I hate your surname.

Rahul Gandhi : But what have I done as Rahul Gandhi that has made you hate me?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : That’s exactly it! You haven’t done anything! You are incompetent and incapable of doing anything!

Rahul Gandhi : So, you hate me even though you haven’t seen me do anything – good or bad?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Not just you, your entire family! Your mother is out to destroy the country!

Rahul Gandhi : So you are blaming me for all the screw ups that my mother is doing?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Yes!

Rahul Gandhi : But what about all the things that my father or grandmother or great grandfather or grand aunt or even great great grandfather did when they were alive? Do you think they have done anything good? Does any of that count?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Maybe some of them did some good things. But, screw them all! You people have ruined this country!

Rahul Gandhi : So, I should be judged only by the misdeeds of my fore fathers?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : No, even they should be held accountable for destroying India!

Rahul Gandhi : Through me?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : The son shall have to pay – don’t they say something like that?

Rahul Gandhi : So, what should I do? Kill myself?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : No, you could go do something else. Why join politics?

Rahul Gandhi : Like, I could join your office?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Yes, sure, why not? Do whatever you are qualified to do.

Rahul Gandhi : So, I could do whatever I wanted to?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Yes, it’s a free country!

Rahul Gandhi : Everything except politics, that is.

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Here we go again!

Rahul Gandhi : No, but, seriously. I, Rahul Gandhi, am a free citizen of India who can do whatever I want except join politics?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Hah! Are you even Indian? Aren’t you Italian or something?

Rahul Gandhi : No, I was born in India, brought up in India, lived in Delhi practically all my life. I have an Indian passport. Does any of that count?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Ok, whatever. Look, even if you were in another field, I am sure you will be up to no good.

Rahul Gandhi : How? Why?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Because you are a bloody Gandhi, that’s why!

Rahul Gandhi : But if I was working, say, with you in your office, how will I screw things for you if I am, what did you say, incompetent and incapable?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : You will use your name – land a job you won’t deserve, or a promotion you wouldn’t have worked for. I can think of many reasons!

Rahul Gandhi : So, basically I am screwed because of my name? I am not fit to work in your office either.

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Yep, Yuvraj. Apt name. Actually, that’s what best describes you. You are an entitled piece of shit.

Rahul Gandhi : But I never called myself Yuvraj!

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Everyone calls you that!

Rahul Gandhi : Do you know who started that off?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : No, but it must have been some ass-licker in your party.

Rahul Gandhi : No, it was Mayawati.

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Who cares!

Rahul Gandhi : Mayawati, who is the best judge of character. Even mine?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Fuck it, it fits your profile, doesn’t it?

Rahul Gandhi : Why? Because I will be Prime Minister?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Yes, bloody hell! Because you will be Prime Minister! Entitlement, didn’t I say that?

Rahul Gandhi : So, like a Yuvraj, someone will crown me King someday?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : No, but the poor ignorant people will vote for you, won’t they?

Rahul Gandhi : So? Getting voted in as Prime Minister should be ok, right? This is a democracy. Voice of the majority etc etc.

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : It’s screwed completely, this so called democracy in our country!

Rahul Gandhi : Why?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Because incompetent people like you become Prime Minister!

Rahul Gandhi : So, is the problem our democracy or me?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : If people like you were banned from elections, we will all be in a happier place!

Rahul Gandhi : People like me – meaning?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : All you politicians’ kids. You all walk around as if you own the world!

Rahul Gandhi : So, if children of politicians were banned from fighting elections, this would be a great democracy?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Hell yeah!

Rahul Gandhi : So, why don’t you join politics? Make it all better. Stand for elections. Do some good for your country?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Why should I do that? It’s filthy! And I don’t want to be a part of that rot.

Rahul Gandhi : But if I do, that is a problem?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : You perpetuate that filth!

Rahul Gandhi : But what if I want to go in and make an effort to clean things up?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : All words!

Rahul Gandhi : But how will you know unless I do something!

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Because you won’t!

Rahul Gandhi : But shouldn’t you at least give me a chance before deciding my fate?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Whatever you do will be a fuck up, anyway.

Rahul Gandhi : You already know that?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Yes.

Rahul Gandhi : How?

Concerned Middle Class Indian Citizen : Because I hate you!