Right about this time last year, I had a few weeks off. So I decided to spend most of my waking hours at the gym, determined to squeeze as much “return-on-investment” as I possibly could out of my ridiculously expensive and yet barely-utilized 6-month membership. Astonishingly, despite several weeks of slogging, the man in the mirror didn’t look anywhere close to John Abraham. Perversely, in fact, what I did get was a cervical condition (vile stuff), that took months of physiotherapy and a hole in my pocket to fix.
The good news is that I have been reasonably pain-free for several weeks now and I have been contemplating renewing my gym membership again. And yet, the path back to the gym seems like a tedious obstacle course I must negotiate first. Let me take you through some of my woes.
The wedding season is almost here! It’s August, which means it’s practically November and the ultra hectic shaadi season. Might as well wait and gain all that inevitable extra poundage resulting from rich food and bountiful buffets. It will help my trainer, too – after all, he will be able to put together a more useful exercise plan for me once he knows exactly what tyre size he has to deal with.
I think it is going to rain today. So what if it is raining sunshine right now? It is the monsoon season, so pouring rain must be imminent, never mind the dire predictions of cloudless skies and parched earth made by the prophets of weather doom. And you know what happens when it rains around here – traffic jams so massive that even Curiosity, the new rover, can spot them from Mars. I had better not venture out of the house today, possible this entire week.
Chubby means cute. As someone famous once said, two chins are better than one. Wait…are you sure it was Aishwarya Rai who said that? Ok, moving along quickly…
My gym shorts have become tight(er). I can’t help it if others gleefully broadcast every contour, indentation and camel-toe to the world through their tiny knickers and sports tees at the gym. I could do it too – look impossibly hot and curvy in my extra contoured body suit – leading to faster pulses and rising body temperatures of everyone around me. But I just care too deeply for the environment. I refuse to be a contributing factor to global warming. I just need to find the time to go buy some extra-baggy track suits first.
Damn this telly. Olympics were a busy few days, what with my incessant barking of instructions at our hockey team via the TV, or fasting and praying for the next bronze medal. Now that that is history, one has got busy catching up with all the TV soaps and reality shows that were missed. These are especially thrilling times since Ekta Kapoor has decided to land every serial of hers in the ditch, and all the participants (good and bad) on Jhalak Dikhala Ja are fetching a top score of 30 on every single performance! As soon as all the serials have gone to shit, and the hottest girls have won every reality show, you will find me on that tread mill.
I can’t miss the Prize money call. With all these blogging contests that I am participating in (ok, it’s just that single one for Dove), it is just a matter of time before yours truly is chosen as the big winner. That congratulatory phone call informing me that the coveted pen set is mine must not be missed.
The driver is on chutti? Again? Fair excuse. Who will drive me to the gym, and then wait by the car at a No Parking zone? Have you seen the parking charges lately?
I just need a sick day today. Sigh. If it isn’t the head, it is the stomach. They say that getting just 5-6 hours of sleep and not eating on time is not good for you. Well, I can vouch that sleeping 10-11 hours and having several meals a day is no cake walk either. I think if I just rest during the afternoon, this headache will go away and I will be ready for those 3.5 kg dumbbells tomorrow.
And they say I am making excuses.