Tag Archives: Contest

Melbourne Ki Jhalak Dikhlaja!

This is an entry for the Indiblogger “…it’s your time to visit Melbourne NOW!” contest.

 

One evening, SRK, Kajol and KJo decide to meet for Koffee to discuss their planned new film. Here is the conversation that Bollywood Reporter managed to capture secretly.

Karan Johar (aka KJo) : Girl and Boy, it is time for us to try something revolutionary. After all, who knows, kal ho na ho? Enough of your Raj-Pooja nonsense, now. And even though your name is Khan indeed, I will give you a much more stylish name in this one. How about Sid? For Siddharth?

Kajol : Aye haye, new name-shame, haan? I like it! I don’t think Sid has been used in any film, has it?

ShahRukh Khan (aka SRK) : K-k-k-Kajol, what is wrong with you? Have you forgotten ‘Wake Up Sid’?

Kajol : Offo…I had forgotten! Chalo, let’s stick with Raj then. I think the name Rajinder is coming back in fashion. Raj can be the nickname.

SRK : Sounds deadly to me. And Rajinder Kumar is my favourite actor! Ok, but what about her?

KJo : Ab Raj ke saath toh Pooja is a package deal. We cannot play around with that otherwise Yash uncle gussa ho jayenge.

Kajol : Yes, please, please, but call me Poo, na? I am dying to have that name!

KJo : Ok, Raj and Poo. Settled.

SRK : And who are we playing in this film?

KJo : I am thinking this time I will have you play two super successful lawyer-artists who are facing off each other five years after you both passed out of the same university.

SRK : What is a “lawyer-artist”?

KJo : I mean you are brilliant lawyers by day but also incredibly successful entertainers in the evenings and weekends. Raj is a theatre director, who also acts – imagine someone like Dev Anand saab. And Poo is the best actress in the country. But your main profession in the film is still Law. You fight very important cases – usually of national importance – and the whole world is glued to what you are up to in court.

SRK : Wow…what a deadly combination!

Kajol : And which exotic location will we film this time?

KJo : You know, I am a bit undecided about that. We have already done Switzerland, London, New York, California. How about this time we try the other side of the globe? What do you feel about Japan?

SRK : Japan? So, we will play the most successful lawyer-artists of Japan? And when we fight important court cases in Japanese courts, the entire Japanese population will be glued to their TV sets watching our live coverage?

Kajol : I am assuming that we will make our courtroom arguments in Hindi and not Japanese, right? Mujhe toh bilkul Japanese nahi aati – except waka doki!

KJo : Of course, silly! Yeh Hindi movie hai.

Kajol : So, will we assume that all Japanese people know Hindi, just like the British and the Americans in Hindi films? I guess no harm in that…

SRK : No, no, I think thoda zyada ho jayega.

KJo : Hmmm…I see your point. I guess that also rules out Beijing and Shanghai then. And Seoul.

SRK : Dammit. I really wanted to remix Govinda’s old song for my next film – “Korea, chura na mera jiya, Korea chura na mera jiya…

Kajol : Husn hai suhana, ishq hai…

KJo : Guys! Focus!

SRK : Oh sorry, sorry!

Kajol : Jo-Kar, have you thought about Australia? We did Sydney for that dreadful – We are Family – so this time we could go to Melbourne!

Melbourne Cricket Ground

SRK : Yes, M-m-m-Melbourne! Sounds like a perfect choice to me! Will we get a chance to go see the world famous Melbourne Cricket Ground?

KJo : Sure!

Kajol : Quick, quick, tell us more of the story now!

KJo : So, we begin with Raj and Poo, biggest rivals in college. She is called Raj ki Poo, and he is called Poo ka Raj. That is how much they are identified with each other!

Kajol : How adorable! I can almost smell love-hate in the air.

SRK : Will we be filming at the Melbourne Law School in the University of Melbourne? I hear they have a marvellous campus!

University of Melbourne – Newman Residential College

KJo : It is marvelous indeed! In fact, I am also thinking of doing a college celebration-type song where you both, with 50 other white Australian kids, sing and dance at the world famous Melbourne State Library. You know, like a ‘We don’t want no education’ kind of song.

Kajol : Where everyone does Bollywood dancing, right? I think everyone in Australia learns Bollywood dancing at some point in their lives!

KJo : Of course.

SRK : But what exactly is the story?

KJo : You see, you both were the most popular students in your university. You were always competing against each other for the best grades, the most popular student award, the best sportsperson award etc. But even through all that rivalry, you secretly loved each other.

State Library of Victoria

Kajol : Wow…I already have goose-bumps! Tell me more!

KJo :  And then when college ended, you both went your separate ways, without getting a chance to express your love for each other.

Kajol : Awww….that is so sad!

SRK : But why didn’t we express our love?

KJo : Fate. Circumstance. Ego. Parents wishes. Higher education. Call it what you may.

Kajol : Such a pity!

SRK : Is there a sad song at this point?

KJo : Yes, obviously! I can show you walking around the beautiful streets of Melbourne as two sad, heartbroken almost-lovers. I think I will also show you both go and light a candle at the divine St. Paul’s Cathedral one by one, missing each other by minutes and inches.

St Pauls Cathedral

Kajol : Sigh. Our love. It was not to be!

KJo : But now here is the catch! You both do get to meet again!

Kajol : Oh goodie! Otherwise this would have turned out to be such a sad story!

KJo : Yes, five years later, when you both are 25 and super successful lawyers, you get a chance to fight a highly charged court case in the Supreme Court of Melbourne. It’s about an Australian-Indian couple who don’t want a divorce but they still must go through it.

Kajol : Awww….how sad!

SRK : But why are they getting divorced if they don’t want to?

KJo : Fate. Circumstance. Ego. Parents wishes. Children’s future. Call it what you may.

Kajol : Such a pity!

SRK : Is there a sad song at this point?

KJo : No, not this time. This time, you both decide to capture the agony of this estranged couple through your art. While you fight the case in court, you are simultaneously also working on a play that depicts their misery. And through their sadness, you aim to show yours!

SRK : But why?

KJo : Because you both realize, in an ocean of emotions that despite the five years of separation, and even though you are now 25 and no longer virgins, your love for each other is still strong. And yet, you are still shy to declare your feelings to each other.

Kajol : Awww….how sad!

SRK : So what do we do?

KJo : You both decide that you will fight the case but, for the sake of your love, you will sacrifice.

Melbourne Supreme Court

SRK : Sacrifice? How?

KJo : By losing the case and making the other person win! Remember, you are both successful lawyers who have never lost in the past. For love, you are even prepared to do that!

Kajol : Awww….how sad!

SRK : Stop saying that, silly! How can that be possible?

Kajol : Oh sorry, yes, I do see your point! Jo-Kar, don’t you think it is unlawful for either of us to knowingly lose the case of our client?

KJo : But all is fair in love and war!

Kajol : Awww….

SRK : Haan, woh toh hai…

Kajol : So, what happens then?

KJo : Simple, you both plot to bring your clients back together! By the way, your judge in court starts sensing that you both have a larger mission to bring your clients together. And he is secretly all for it! Do you know who I am signing up for that role?

SRK : Anupam Kher, obviously!

KJo : Obviously!

Kajol : Who is he playing?

KJo : The Chief Justice of Australia!

SRK : It’s great to see how successful people of Indian-origin are in Australia. Bravo!

KJo : Coming back to the estranged couple, your plan of getting the two of them to keep bumping into each other at all kinds of places and situations seems to work its magic slowly.

Kajol : How nice! I think this calls for a happy song!

KJo : And there sure is one. Yes, I was thinking we could film this number at the Shrine of Remembrance!

Shrine of Remembrance

SRK : And later, when they come see our play, our clients get convinced that their love is forever, and they decide to drop their case and get back together again!

Kajol : Yay! The End!

SRK : What ‘The End’ silly? Our own love story has still not been resolved!

Kajol : Oh haan!

KJo : And guess who brings the two of you together?

Kajol : Who? Our parents?

KJo : Have you not been paying attention at all? It’s the Judge!

Kajol : Oh wow!

KJo : Yes! Obviously he senses the undercurrent between the two of you, and he even comes to watch your play in disguise!

Kajol : What a great man!

KJo : Yes, as he throws out the case of your clients, he also issues a court order for you both to get together! But as soon as he does that, Poo flies off the court house!

SRK : Why?

KJo : Because I don’t want the last scene to be in a court house!

Kajol : So where do I fly off to?

 

Southern Cross Station

KJo : To a train station obviously. We will film at the Southern Cross Train Station. Where you are anxiously waiting in the train for Raj to come for you, and Raj is frantically looking into each train window searching for you!

Kajol : How romantic!

SRK : But why did Poo run away in the first place?

KJo : Fate. Circumstance. Ego. Parents wishes. Their past. Call it what you may.

Kajol : Such a pity!

SRK : So do they find each other?

KJo : Yes, thankfully! Someone calls the station and tells them there is a bomb on the train. The friendly and efficient Victoria Police stops the train and rescues all the passengers. And amidst all the drama, you both find each other and finally profess your undying love for each other!

The ever-smiling Victoria Police

Kajol : Awww….

SRK : …while all this is being telecast live on Australian TV, right?

KJo : Yes, and there is not a single dry eye in the entire country! In fact, all news channels are carrying a live stream in India, too, and every Indian feels the same emotions five thousand miles away!

Kajol : I think I am going to cry myself!

SRK : What can I say…this movie is a winner. Bravo!

Kajol :  And already, every time I think of Melbourne, mere dil mein kuch kuch ho raha hai!

SRK : And I can already imagine our fans flocking to their travel agents to make their Australia bookings. It’s almost like we are beseeching them – “it’s your time to visit Melbourne NOW!”

The very popular Collins Street of Melbourne

Kajol : By the way, who was it who calls to say that there is a bomb on the train?

SRK : Yes, I am curious, too!

KJo : It’s the judge! Actually, there really is a bomb on the train! You see, the film ends with a teaser for Part II of this film…in which the judge is really a terrorist!

Kajol : Oh my God!

KJo : Isn’t that a great twist?

SRK : Better than great! Main kurbaan jaun aapke idea par!

Kajol : But listen Jo-Kar, why don’t you cast yourself in the film? You’ve been a director, a fashion designer, a compere, a host and a judge. Obviously, acting is the next logical move for you.

SRK : Yes, ab acting mein apna johar dikhao! Waise, what part do you think he should play?

Kajol : He could be the hero’s best friend. We could call him Sid!

SRK : Perfect. Raj-Pooja-Sid! Yeh dostana achcha chalega! I am already thrilled!

KJo : Yes, why not? Perhaps I can be the reason why Raj never got together with Poo all this while!

 

This blog post is all in jest, obviously, except that it really is your time to visit Melbourne now! For more details about what to find there, and how to get there, do visit :  www.visitmelbourne.com/in

The popular and tourist friendly Bourke Street of Melbourne

The Brilliance Of A Better Tomorrow : A News Report From The Future

This post is my submission for the Surf Excel Matic #SoakNoMore contest on Indiblogger. Surf Excel Matic : Remove tough stains in the machine without soaking!

September 10, 2013 : New Delhi : Details are fast emerging today of a massive scandal that has left India awash with shock and awe. While past scandals have soaked the disaffected nation in distrust and instability, this new one appears to have had remarkably positive repercussions. Media analysts are calling it Surfgate, named after the brand Surf Excel Matic whose extraordinary tactics have caused the overwhelming difference that has come about to our lives recently.

People from all walks of life have sensed a massive change for the better in the way the country is being run today. There is general consensus that this shift started six months ago – about the same time that Surf Excel Matic-sponsored public pool parties started getting organized all across the country. These special parties were arranged in VVIP areas in the national and state capitals, and people from many backgrounds, but mainly politicians, bureaucrats, corporate and civil society leaders and others in important public positions, were invited to attend. Elaborate food and entertainment provisions were made, leading to the attendees to unanimously sing paeans about the arrangements and about the enjoyment they were having. The piece-de-resistance at these shindigs was, obviously, always the glorious pool itself (these being pool parties, after all), and people of various shapes, sizes, gender, hues and hirsuteness were seen dunking themselves in the inviting waters amidst all the eating, drinking and socializing.

Now, here is the remarkable part. All those who have attended these pool parties have claimed to be feeling fresher, lighter, freer and amiable, and consequently, more empathetic, accessible, accountable, responsible and earnest. But, perhaps more than anything else, they have felt 100% clean, untainted and incorruptible.

The reason for this change in mood, attitude and behaviour had been unclear. Until today, that is. Our investigative journalists have unearthed a massive plot by the most distinguished detergent brand in the country – Surf Excel Matic – behind this extraordinary transformation of our ruling class.

It has now been confirmed that, unbeknownst to all, the organizers of these parties have been lacing their pool waters with Surf Excel Matic! Owing to new Surf Excel Matic’s mighty vibrating molecules that, despite no soaking, penetrate deep into embedded dirt and stains and remove them effectively, the effect on our country’s squalid powers-that-be has been nothing short of miraculous. As more and more such folks unknowingly took dips in these pools, deep-seated impurities, grime, muck, filth and other forms of illicitness were pulled out of their minds and bodies like magic, leaving them cleaner, and therefore, better human beings.

A half-year on since these Surfgate parties started, and the country is practically unrecognizable. The shocking results are there for everyone to see. The latest national statistics released this morning show that the GDP for the last quarter was 11.5%, the highest in the world. The Rupee is now trading at 42 to a dollar, the strongest in a decade, leading to lower food and fuel prices and inflation. The Parliament is functioning with amazing smoothness, and important bills are being passed with intelligent debate and magnanimous consensus. When asked in a recent interview, Lok Sabha Speaker Meira Kumar couldn’t remember the last time she had to say, “Shaant ho jayiye. Baith jaiye”, in Parliament. A bunch of TV news channels have had to shut down because there is no more room for bellicose debate and rancour to be covered. Corruption has virtually vanished. The latest Time magazine issue features India on its cover with the headline – “India : The Giant Rises. Can anything stop it now?”

The average Indian appears delighted at the changes. The banishment of corruption and all forms of impropriety have expectedly restored his faith in the country and its establishments. A couple of catchphrases that have become very popular among the citizenry are –

How to save yourself from Corruption ridicule?

Make friends with a Vibrating Molecule!

…and…

Black Money looking scared and running frantic

Look out, it’s being chased by Surf Excel Matic

 

Interestingly, despite the revolutionary nation-building side-effects of Surf Excel Matic, its original benefit of providing a brilliant machine-wash without soaking has not gone unnoticed. Most people seemed thrilled with the quality of washing. “I can’t even begin to tell you how much time I can save during the day now. Clothes have to soak no more, they go straight to the washing cycle! No stains, just a brilliant clean!” said Malini Dey, a senior corporate executive with a multi-national in Kolkata and a mother of two. However, despite the universally acknowledged benefits, there were still a few disgruntled people that our team ran into. S. Susheela, a housewife in Chennai, told our reporter, ”All those compliments of – Is that a new saree? – even when what I am wearing is a 6-year old one, are all gone. There was a time when I was the only one who used Surf Excel Matic. Now everyone is using it, and everyone seems to be wearing old clothes that look brand new. It’s disgusting!” Clearly, it is difficult to please everyone.

So, where does that leave the perpetrators of the Surfgate scandal itself? Consensus is building across the country that despite the clandestine nature of the act, the contribution of Surf Excel Matic in effectively cleansing the moral fabric of the nation cannot be ignored. Add to that, the speed with which this ‘wash’ was accomplished, where not a minute was lost in soaking the citizenry in useless and long winded sermons and platitudes, and Surf Excel Matic’s act becomes beyond invaluable.

The Surfgate matter is expected to be presented in front of the Supreme Court shortly. A complete absolution is expected imminently. This will be one scandal with an ‘Excel’lent ending!

Kuch Meetha Ho Jaye!

Just as an arranged marriage needs dollops of love to thrive, a love marriage may sometimes need some ‘arrangement’ for it to even come to fruition! Here is an interesting take on the eternal question – Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage?  

(This is a contest entry)

 

(Photo courtesy www.4photos.net and Google)

A smartly dressed young man rings the doorbell. The sound brings an elegant woman with a kind face to the door. As she opens it to her visitor, both faces light up at each other’s sight.

Prema : Arrey, Akhil, what a pleasant surprise! Come on in. Are you alone?

Akhil : Yes, I am. There was something I needed to discuss with you personally. (He enters the modestly but tastefully done up drawing room and takes a seat. Prema takes a place facing him)

Prema : (quizzical yet smiling) Ok, that sounds serious! Especially coming from a bindaas banda like you. Anyway, before you say anything, tell me, do you want some thanda? How about tea? Oh, I made some banana cake, too, woh khayega?

Akhil : Yes, but later, perhaps. After we have discussed this important matter at hand, and if you agree with what I am about to propose, we will definitely need something meetha. But if you don’t agree… (he lets his voice trail off)

Prema : (raises her eyebrows) Wow! In that case, I had better shut up and let you do all the talking, shouldn’t I? (She smiles)

Akhil : (with a mock-serious face) Even though I don’t want this to appear as the famous mausi-Jai scene from Sholay, I really have no other option, unfortunately. So here goes – Prema Vishwanath Iyer, I come to you with a marriage proposal on behalf of my best friend, philosopher and guide in the entire world – Dinesh Bhaskar Singh, who, as you know, is affectionately called Dibs by everyone who knows him.

Prema : (speechless out of shock) What….errr….?

Akhil : Well, I decided I couldn’t let you both dribble this ball endlessly, like you two seem to be doing for 6 months now! I arranged for this thing to start. Hence, I must arrange for it to reach its logical conclusion, too.

Prema : (still surprised) Arrange?

Akhil : Of course. You see, I still remember quite vividly the day I initiated Dibs to Facebook. I had just returned from my residency at Tata Memorial so he and I had decided to celebrate with our favourite friend, Jack Daniel. Once we both were nicely sloshed, Dibs was up to his old tricks – he wanted to know everything about all the girls I had met in Mumbai. Always trying to push me to settle down, that man! This time, of course, I had decided that I would turn the spotlight on him instead, and all the girlfriends from his past! He hummed and hawed, but I was going to have none of that!

Prema : (smiling) So it was you who pushed him into the big bad world of Facebook?

Akhil : (triumphantly) I absolutely did! I told him that everyone was on Facebook – even grandmas! Why was he being such a fuddy-duddy? And then I told him that it was the best way to look up his school and college chums. And, yes, crushes, too!

Prema : What did he say?

Akhil : He fell for it, obviously! Oh, pump in a few drinks into a lonely man and you can make him do things!

Prema : And that’s how you found me?

Akhil : Correct! His first and mightiest college crush!

Prema : (suddenly turning red) So Dibs and me bumping into each other for the first time at Lodhi Gardens that morning wasn’t just a chance encounter? And he told me that he was a stickler for morning walks – never missed them rain, shine or cold!

Akhil : (laughs loudly) “Chance”, sure, but with a lot of pre-planning. From your profile page, we noticed that you lived in Jorbagh, and that walking and exercising were your hobbies and interests. We figured you must come to Lodhi Gardens for walks every morning! You could say, we put two-and-two together, and prayed that it would add to four!

Prema : Such stalking connivers! I would have avoided Dibs like the plague had I known what you both were up to! (she smiles, amused)

Akhil : Oh, I doubt that! He told me that in college you had as much of a crush on him as he had on you! You recognized him right away when you saw him at the park, didn’t you?

Prema : (smiles and blushes slightly) That crazy man told you that? Well, I am not going to comment at all!

Akhil : Look at it this way. It was in your fate – I just helped push it along! And look at the brighter side, if the two of you get together for good, Dibs will never have a reason to ever be on Facebook again!

Prema : Interesting reason!

Akhil : There are better reasons, let me assure you!

Prema : (feigning surprise) There are? I wonder what they could be!

Akhil : Well, for one, someone now tells him what to wear and what to avoid – thank goodness for that! Our eyes had started to pain always seeing him in un-ironed kurta pyjamas, rumpled pants, terrible hair! How did you manage to make him take care of how he looks and dresses up? Did you just set fire to all this crazy clothes?

Prema : (laughs) I have my ways. I bet he thinks dressing up like a human being is a small price to pay to keep my company!

Akhil : And it doesn’t just stop there, of course. Yesterday, when I got home after lunch with some friends, I saw him playing a cricket match with the neighbourhood kids! He was having so much fun!

Prema : That sounds wonderful!

Akhil : He cooks, he sings, he enjoys doing things again. Two years ago, I never even thought we would be where we are today. He was a broken man. You gave him wings. You gave him a reason to smile. (His voice crumbles) You gave him…his life back.

Prema : (her eyes moistening) As he did – to me. After Shankar died five years ago, what were Sakshi and I left with? It was the same when he lost Smita.

Akhil : (reaches out his hands and clasps Prema’s) We have all lost irreplaceable pieces of our lives. In those months and years of despair, we never thought life would heal. The pain seemed too overwhelming to bear. The sorrow too large to cast away. The grey all too encompassing. And yet…

Prema : And yet…Time helps clear the fog. And when it lifts slowly, you sometimes see someone who can bring colour back into your life. You learn to smile again. You learn to feel again. And you realize how wrong you were – Life is not over yet. There are still miles to go. But the journey looks exciting because you have a companion to make it with.

Akhil : (quivering) All I can do is thank you for giving Dibs back to me.

Prema : (controlling her tears) And thank you for giving me Dibs, Akhil.

Akhil : (clearing his throat, suddenly speaking very formally) And yet, as hopelessly shy and old-fashioned as you both are, neither of you will take the next step! It becomes my duty to formally arrange this rishta between our families. So, I ask again, my beautiful Prema Vishwanath Iyer. Will you accept Dinesh Bhaskar Singh as your husband, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, with unwavering trust on the people who care for you and utter disregard to what society might do or say, till death does you apart?

Prema : (smiling through tears) Yes, mere buddhu ladke. Yes!

Akhil : (leaps off his seat in joy) Yippee! I have achieved what even Jai of Sholay was not able to with Mausi! You have made me the happiest man in the world. Or maybe I should say, the second happiest man – Dibs will undoubtedly take top honours!

Prema : You are such a clown! (They both reach out and hug each other)

Akhil : (still gushing) So, what would you like me to address you as from now on? Mummy? Mum? How about Mateshwari?

Prema : (laughing) Stop it! (Pauses to think) Apne baap ko Dibs bulata hai, but how about you call me Amma, just like Sakshi does!

Akhil : (taking a bow) Amma, your wish is my command. Whatever my future sister calls you, works for me, too!

Prema : (mock raps him on his head) Poora joker hai! Now, where is that father of yours? Don’t tell me that that 60-year-old teenager is sitting and blushing in the car outside!

Akhil : Arrey bhai, arranged marriage hai, so what if it’s the son arranging his dad’s and future mom’s? You shall meet the groom in due course, pehle kuch meetha ho jaye! Didn’t you say you had some banana cake?

 

Join the debate!

So, the debate continues on what is better – Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage! I hope you are watching the enjoyable new serial unfold on Sony Entertainment Television every Monday to Thursday at 8.30 pm! For more details, check out their Facebook page at – http://www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange!