Melbourne Ki Jhalak Dikhlaja!

This is an entry for the Indiblogger “…it’s your time to visit Melbourne NOW!” contest.

 

One evening, SRK, Kajol and KJo decide to meet for Koffee to discuss their planned new film. Here is the conversation that Bollywood Reporter managed to capture secretly.

Karan Johar (aka KJo) : Girl and Boy, it is time for us to try something revolutionary. After all, who knows, kal ho na ho? Enough of your Raj-Pooja nonsense, now. And even though your name is Khan indeed, I will give you a much more stylish name in this one. How about Sid? For Siddharth?

Kajol : Aye haye, new name-shame, haan? I like it! I don’t think Sid has been used in any film, has it?

ShahRukh Khan (aka SRK) : K-k-k-Kajol, what is wrong with you? Have you forgotten ‘Wake Up Sid’?

Kajol : Offo…I had forgotten! Chalo, let’s stick with Raj then. I think the name Rajinder is coming back in fashion. Raj can be the nickname.

SRK : Sounds deadly to me. And Rajinder Kumar is my favourite actor! Ok, but what about her?

KJo : Ab Raj ke saath toh Pooja is a package deal. We cannot play around with that otherwise Yash uncle gussa ho jayenge.

Kajol : Yes, please, please, but call me Poo, na? I am dying to have that name!

KJo : Ok, Raj and Poo. Settled.

SRK : And who are we playing in this film?

KJo : I am thinking this time I will have you play two super successful lawyer-artists who are facing off each other five years after you both passed out of the same university.

SRK : What is a “lawyer-artist”?

KJo : I mean you are brilliant lawyers by day but also incredibly successful entertainers in the evenings and weekends. Raj is a theatre director, who also acts – imagine someone like Dev Anand saab. And Poo is the best actress in the country. But your main profession in the film is still Law. You fight very important cases – usually of national importance – and the whole world is glued to what you are up to in court.

SRK : Wow…what a deadly combination!

Kajol : And which exotic location will we film this time?

KJo : You know, I am a bit undecided about that. We have already done Switzerland, London, New York, California. How about this time we try the other side of the globe? What do you feel about Japan?

SRK : Japan? So, we will play the most successful lawyer-artists of Japan? And when we fight important court cases in Japanese courts, the entire Japanese population will be glued to their TV sets watching our live coverage?

Kajol : I am assuming that we will make our courtroom arguments in Hindi and not Japanese, right? Mujhe toh bilkul Japanese nahi aati – except waka doki!

KJo : Of course, silly! Yeh Hindi movie hai.

Kajol : So, will we assume that all Japanese people know Hindi, just like the British and the Americans in Hindi films? I guess no harm in that…

SRK : No, no, I think thoda zyada ho jayega.

KJo : Hmmm…I see your point. I guess that also rules out Beijing and Shanghai then. And Seoul.

SRK : Dammit. I really wanted to remix Govinda’s old song for my next film – “Korea, chura na mera jiya, Korea chura na mera jiya…

Kajol : Husn hai suhana, ishq hai…

KJo : Guys! Focus!

SRK : Oh sorry, sorry!

Kajol : Jo-Kar, have you thought about Australia? We did Sydney for that dreadful – We are Family – so this time we could go to Melbourne!

Melbourne Cricket Ground

SRK : Yes, M-m-m-Melbourne! Sounds like a perfect choice to me! Will we get a chance to go see the world famous Melbourne Cricket Ground?

KJo : Sure!

Kajol : Quick, quick, tell us more of the story now!

KJo : So, we begin with Raj and Poo, biggest rivals in college. She is called Raj ki Poo, and he is called Poo ka Raj. That is how much they are identified with each other!

Kajol : How adorable! I can almost smell love-hate in the air.

SRK : Will we be filming at the Melbourne Law School in the University of Melbourne? I hear they have a marvellous campus!

University of Melbourne – Newman Residential College

KJo : It is marvelous indeed! In fact, I am also thinking of doing a college celebration-type song where you both, with 50 other white Australian kids, sing and dance at the world famous Melbourne State Library. You know, like a ‘We don’t want no education’ kind of song.

Kajol : Where everyone does Bollywood dancing, right? I think everyone in Australia learns Bollywood dancing at some point in their lives!

KJo : Of course.

SRK : But what exactly is the story?

KJo : You see, you both were the most popular students in your university. You were always competing against each other for the best grades, the most popular student award, the best sportsperson award etc. But even through all that rivalry, you secretly loved each other.

State Library of Victoria

Kajol : Wow…I already have goose-bumps! Tell me more!

KJo :  And then when college ended, you both went your separate ways, without getting a chance to express your love for each other.

Kajol : Awww….that is so sad!

SRK : But why didn’t we express our love?

KJo : Fate. Circumstance. Ego. Parents wishes. Higher education. Call it what you may.

Kajol : Such a pity!

SRK : Is there a sad song at this point?

KJo : Yes, obviously! I can show you walking around the beautiful streets of Melbourne as two sad, heartbroken almost-lovers. I think I will also show you both go and light a candle at the divine St. Paul’s Cathedral one by one, missing each other by minutes and inches.

St Pauls Cathedral

Kajol : Sigh. Our love. It was not to be!

KJo : But now here is the catch! You both do get to meet again!

Kajol : Oh goodie! Otherwise this would have turned out to be such a sad story!

KJo : Yes, five years later, when you both are 25 and super successful lawyers, you get a chance to fight a highly charged court case in the Supreme Court of Melbourne. It’s about an Australian-Indian couple who don’t want a divorce but they still must go through it.

Kajol : Awww….how sad!

SRK : But why are they getting divorced if they don’t want to?

KJo : Fate. Circumstance. Ego. Parents wishes. Children’s future. Call it what you may.

Kajol : Such a pity!

SRK : Is there a sad song at this point?

KJo : No, not this time. This time, you both decide to capture the agony of this estranged couple through your art. While you fight the case in court, you are simultaneously also working on a play that depicts their misery. And through their sadness, you aim to show yours!

SRK : But why?

KJo : Because you both realize, in an ocean of emotions that despite the five years of separation, and even though you are now 25 and no longer virgins, your love for each other is still strong. And yet, you are still shy to declare your feelings to each other.

Kajol : Awww….how sad!

SRK : So what do we do?

KJo : You both decide that you will fight the case but, for the sake of your love, you will sacrifice.

Melbourne Supreme Court

SRK : Sacrifice? How?

KJo : By losing the case and making the other person win! Remember, you are both successful lawyers who have never lost in the past. For love, you are even prepared to do that!

Kajol : Awww….how sad!

SRK : Stop saying that, silly! How can that be possible?

Kajol : Oh sorry, yes, I do see your point! Jo-Kar, don’t you think it is unlawful for either of us to knowingly lose the case of our client?

KJo : But all is fair in love and war!

Kajol : Awww….

SRK : Haan, woh toh hai…

Kajol : So, what happens then?

KJo : Simple, you both plot to bring your clients back together! By the way, your judge in court starts sensing that you both have a larger mission to bring your clients together. And he is secretly all for it! Do you know who I am signing up for that role?

SRK : Anupam Kher, obviously!

KJo : Obviously!

Kajol : Who is he playing?

KJo : The Chief Justice of Australia!

SRK : It’s great to see how successful people of Indian-origin are in Australia. Bravo!

KJo : Coming back to the estranged couple, your plan of getting the two of them to keep bumping into each other at all kinds of places and situations seems to work its magic slowly.

Kajol : How nice! I think this calls for a happy song!

KJo : And there sure is one. Yes, I was thinking we could film this number at the Shrine of Remembrance!

Shrine of Remembrance

SRK : And later, when they come see our play, our clients get convinced that their love is forever, and they decide to drop their case and get back together again!

Kajol : Yay! The End!

SRK : What ‘The End’ silly? Our own love story has still not been resolved!

Kajol : Oh haan!

KJo : And guess who brings the two of you together?

Kajol : Who? Our parents?

KJo : Have you not been paying attention at all? It’s the Judge!

Kajol : Oh wow!

KJo : Yes! Obviously he senses the undercurrent between the two of you, and he even comes to watch your play in disguise!

Kajol : What a great man!

KJo : Yes, as he throws out the case of your clients, he also issues a court order for you both to get together! But as soon as he does that, Poo flies off the court house!

SRK : Why?

KJo : Because I don’t want the last scene to be in a court house!

Kajol : So where do I fly off to?

 

Southern Cross Station

KJo : To a train station obviously. We will film at the Southern Cross Train Station. Where you are anxiously waiting in the train for Raj to come for you, and Raj is frantically looking into each train window searching for you!

Kajol : How romantic!

SRK : But why did Poo run away in the first place?

KJo : Fate. Circumstance. Ego. Parents wishes. Their past. Call it what you may.

Kajol : Such a pity!

SRK : So do they find each other?

KJo : Yes, thankfully! Someone calls the station and tells them there is a bomb on the train. The friendly and efficient Victoria Police stops the train and rescues all the passengers. And amidst all the drama, you both find each other and finally profess your undying love for each other!

The ever-smiling Victoria Police

Kajol : Awww….

SRK : …while all this is being telecast live on Australian TV, right?

KJo : Yes, and there is not a single dry eye in the entire country! In fact, all news channels are carrying a live stream in India, too, and every Indian feels the same emotions five thousand miles away!

Kajol : I think I am going to cry myself!

SRK : What can I say…this movie is a winner. Bravo!

Kajol :  And already, every time I think of Melbourne, mere dil mein kuch kuch ho raha hai!

SRK : And I can already imagine our fans flocking to their travel agents to make their Australia bookings. It’s almost like we are beseeching them – “it’s your time to visit Melbourne NOW!”

The very popular Collins Street of Melbourne

Kajol : By the way, who was it who calls to say that there is a bomb on the train?

SRK : Yes, I am curious, too!

KJo : It’s the judge! Actually, there really is a bomb on the train! You see, the film ends with a teaser for Part II of this film…in which the judge is really a terrorist!

Kajol : Oh my God!

KJo : Isn’t that a great twist?

SRK : Better than great! Main kurbaan jaun aapke idea par!

Kajol : But listen Jo-Kar, why don’t you cast yourself in the film? You’ve been a director, a fashion designer, a compere, a host and a judge. Obviously, acting is the next logical move for you.

SRK : Yes, ab acting mein apna johar dikhao! Waise, what part do you think he should play?

Kajol : He could be the hero’s best friend. We could call him Sid!

SRK : Perfect. Raj-Pooja-Sid! Yeh dostana achcha chalega! I am already thrilled!

KJo : Yes, why not? Perhaps I can be the reason why Raj never got together with Poo all this while!

 

This blog post is all in jest, obviously, except that it really is your time to visit Melbourne now! For more details about what to find there, and how to get there, do visit :  www.visitmelbourne.com/in

The popular and tourist friendly Bourke Street of Melbourne

Comments

comments

26 thoughts on “Melbourne Ki Jhalak Dikhlaja!

  1. mayuri

    what an imagination….I see a winner!!
    Although I don’t think we can handle another Kjo in this country…..but needless to say..bollywood awaits you my frannnd :p

    Reply
    1. Rickie Khosla Post author

      Kindly Mumbai mein networking jaari rakhiye…I shall use your film industry connections at some point!
      Thanks for reading 🙂
      More than my winning the contest (jiska koi chance nahi hai), yeh movie jab ban jayegi toh I shall definitely go watch!

      Reply
  2. Rachna

    Yeah Karan, Kajol and SRK and their inane conversation. You captured that well and put a nice twist to the Melbourne contest. let’s hope that someone among the judges understand Bollywood there :). Good luck.

    Reply
    1. Rickie Khosla Post author

      Like I said in one of my comments above, I wonder why Bollywood isn’t already lining up outside my door? Scriptwriting na bhi sahi toh acting ke liye hi sahi!
      Thanks for reading!

      Reply
  3. Janaki

    You better get this story registered at the writers guild. Kjo may lay his hands upon this and claim this as his original idea!

    Reply
  4. purbaray

    Damn! You should be a script writer. And when my imaginary milti millionaire uncle dies and I inherit his castle in Scotland, I shall sell it to finance your movie.

    The judge turning out to be a terrorist in disguise was sheer brilliance.

    Reply
    1. Rickie Khosla Post author

      Thank you, thank you!
      But before you sell the Scottish castle, you must let Karan take some external shots of it. I am sure we could pass it off as SRK’s family home just outside Melbourne! 🙂

      Reply

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