Friend and fellow blogging-enthusiast-without-a-blog Achala Srivatsa is back, this time donning her Movie Critic hat. Her new interest is a movie strangely called “A Yash Chopra Romance”. Lest you wonder why anyone in their right frame of mind would want to see an 82-year old man, who looks more and more like Pandit Jasraj’s long lost twin each day, romancing amid the tulips in Roger Federer’s garden, let me quickly tell you that he is only the director of this new movie – the real stars are ShahRukh Khan, Katrina Kaif and Anushka Sharma. Presumably, working on this film has been so mind numbing for its creative team that they have run out of steam cooking up a suitable title so far. New rumours have it that it might be called “Yeh Kahan Aa Gaye Hum”. The only thing that needs to be checked now is to see if that title hasn’t already been usurped by a TV serial or two. Because, as we all know, what’s a TV serial if it isn’t titled after a film song that has at least 15 words in it?
Read on for Achala’s hilarious preview!
So I understand that the new Yash Chopra Romance is “loosely” based on The End of the Affair. Which, as anyone knows, is right on top of the pile when it comes to the Doomed Romance category.
Now the intensely brooding Ralph Fiennes combined with the fragility of Julianne Moore makes for a double pack of Kleenex movie.
But we are dealing with Chopra the Elder here – no mean hand in the Doomed Romance area. What can we expect from the Yashified End of the Affair? Here are my confident predictions.
- SRK is a dashing investment banker – probably in London or New York. These two cities have the kind of glamour and grit we need. And these Grand Romances do not take place in Gurgaon or Bangalore.
- There will of course be the fiery and tempestuous meeting, the mandatory romantic song in Switzerland, followed by reckless Romantic Declarations
- Then the Accident or some random act that results in the hero having his near death experience. Since the original was set against WW II, it would be a bit difficult to match that, but I am sure Chopra the Elder will manage.
- This is then followed by the heroine’s pact with the Almighty – let him live and I will walk away from him Forever.
- I would also expect clever subterfuge at this point – Heroine cunningly tries the completely original “I will make Rahul think I am cheating on him” gag. Always a good bet, since the hero, whose brain has turned into bubble gum after singing those songs, is very easily convinced that his girlfriend (a girl who has invested considerably in Bollywood dance lessons for his sake) is two-timing him. Smiling bravely through her tears etc, she converts his everlasting Pyaar into soul torturing Nafrat.
- Separation is followed by the Anxiety that goes with it. Maudlin Song Opportunities with at least 2 lines sung by Yash’s Muse –Lata Didi
- Katrina (Pooja/Kiran) gets married to an Insipid Sap whose role is to Sacrifice his love in the end to the Hero. Most likely SRK (Yes, yes, Rahul or Raj- why buck a trend?) will marry a suitably long-suffering second heroine (shades of Kabhi Kabhie anyone?).
- Cut to 10 years later. Since SRK is sick of London by now, my guess is the crew shifts to maybe Scotland. So an accidental meeting with the Heroine, that familiar refrain and boom, we are back in business.
- Bring out the big guns – swelling music, tears, refrain, Declarations of Love, kick Insipid Sap in the face and…
- …the Almighty weighs in on the situation. Aforementioned pact must be honoured. Hence heroine is struck down with an illness that leaves her suitably pale and wan and swiftly dispatches her (but not before that last song).
- However, there must be a child lurking somewhere… and the story continues.
- Movie ends on a Love Never Dies motif…?